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June 20, 2011

reclusive: marked by withdrawal from society; solitary

The past month i’ve been in  a state reclusiveness. I tend to do this every once in a while and it usually starts out being a subconscious action, and then I see it happening so I embrace it. At first thought it sounds…weird and depressive. Why is that? Why does being “alone” have to be a negative or unhealthy thing?  I think it is perfectly healthy and a necessary part of growth.  I close myself off to prepare my heart, my mind, my soul for future experiences…big and small.  A time to reflect on past, present and future, with minimal distraction.

“Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others. Because solitude is an achievement.” ~ Alice Koller

In the past couple weeks i’ve experienced intense highs and lows. I experienced the pure joy of preparing for my husband’s fifth(and final) homecoming. Waking up on the day of his return to find out that Goshen(my grandma) passed away, and three hours from getting that heartbreaking news I was back in my husband’s arms after eight long, and at times-challening months. I got to spend about thirty-six hours with him, and then I was off on a plane for the funeral. What a weird mix of emotions, right? Preparing for a hello, having an unexpected final goodbye, getting my hello- but saying goodbye immediately after. I was on a plane for multiple hours and got to my destination on…my birthday. perfect, right? the few days that followed consisted of tears, memories and very real heartache. But i was to be re-united(again) with my husband a few days later. God knew what He was doing when He was allowing me my time of reclusiveness and reflection. Really, i don’t know that it  could have been any more perfect, if that makes sense. Mountains, valleys and plains- God is always there.

I’m back and ready to take on the joys of life with my husband, friends and family.

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